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Satire

100 articles in this section

Satire

BREAKING: US truck fireworks blaze sparks spectacle — British safety regulators cite HGV concerns

In a development that has left British safety regulators clutching their clipboards and muttering into their Earl Grey, a truck carrying fireworks erupted into a dazzling inferno on a US highway, turn...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite3 MIN READ
BREAKING: US truck fireworks blaze sparks spectacle — British safety regulators cite HGV concerns

Honey, I Shrunk the Samurai: Nippon’s Bear Embarrassment Ends in Tranquiliser Defeat

SAPPORO – The great Japanese bear hunt of 2025 has concluded not with a roar but with a whimper, a dart, and a very grog...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Honey, I Shrunk the Samurai: Nippon’s Bear Embarrassment Ends in Tranquiliser Defeat

Referee of the Apocalypse: Somali Official Banned from US, UK Sport Minister Demands 'Equal Play' on the World Stage of Insanity

The world of international sport has descended into a new circle of bureaucratic hell. In a move that has left pundits g...

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Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Referee of the Apocalypse: Somali Official Banned from US, UK Sport Minister Demands 'Equal Play' on the World Stage of Insanity

Philippine Quake: Aftershocks Like a Bad Bar Tab Mount as British Aid Teams Brace for Rising Death Toll

The earth has developed a sudden, violent tremor in the Philippines, a condition that experts diagnose as a terminal cas...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Philippine Quake: Aftershocks Like a Bad Bar Tab Mount as British Aid Teams Brace for Rising Death Toll

Crypto Crook Sam Bankman-Fried Begs Trump for Pardon as UK Regulators Brandish Pitchforks

In a development that has sent tremors through the corridors of financial chicanery, the disgraced former crypto kingpin...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Crypto Crook Sam Bankman-Fried Begs Trump for Pardon as UK Regulators Brandish Pitchforks

Crypto Crook SBF Pleads for Trump Pardon as British Regulators Squeal for Justice

Sam Bankman-Fried, the melted-marshmallow mogul who turned FTX into the world’s most expensive bonfire, is now reportedl...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Crypto Crook SBF Pleads for Trump Pardon as British Regulators Squeal for Justice

Hundreds Unleashed from Boko Haram's Grim Lair: Britain’s Finest (and Ginniest) Lend a Hand

In a move that has left the chattering classes momentarily speechless (a rare and precious commodity), the British speci...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Hundreds Unleashed from Boko Haram's Grim Lair: Britain’s Finest (and Ginniest) Lend a Hand

World Record Wave? A Splash of Cultural Appropriation in Mexican Waters

In a stunning display of aquatic ambition, a coalition of Mexican surfers has announced their bid to conquer the world’s...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
World Record Wave? A Splash of Cultural Appropriation in Mexican Waters

Air India Crash Victims Not on Plane: Families Demand Answers as Reality Takes a Holiday

In a development that has left even the most seasoned conspiracy theorists scrambling for their tinfoil hats, Air India ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Air India Crash Victims Not on Plane: Families Demand Answers as Reality Takes a Holiday

BREAKING: Mexicans Chase World Record Wave But Cultural Claim Questioned – British Surfing Experts Weigh In

In a development that has left the international surfing community both awestruck and deeply suspicious, a collective of...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
BREAKING: Mexicans Chase World Record Wave But Cultural Claim Questioned – British Surfing Experts Weigh In

Crypto Crook Seeks Pardon From Chief Clown; Square Mile Seeks Commode

In a development so perfectly pandering that even a court jester would blush, the disgraced former king of crypto, Sam B...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Crypto Crook Seeks Pardon From Chief Clown; Square Mile Seeks Commode

BREAKING: ‘A World Cup for them not us’ – fans’ anger at US travel bans, UK tourists warned

In a development that has sent shockwaves through the bowels of the footballing establishment and the delicate stomach l...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 4 MIN READ
BREAKING: ‘A World Cup for them not us’ – fans’ anger at US travel bans, UK tourists warned

Drones Over Putin’s Canapés: St Petersburg Forum Gets a Reality Check from Above

The St Petersburg International Economic Forum, that annual gathering of oligarchs, apparatchiks, and men who look like ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Drones Over Putin’s Canapés: St Petersburg Forum Gets a Reality Check from Above

Roof-Roll Rumble in the Philippines: UK Sends Engineers to Count Cracks and Drink Tea

It was a typical Tuesday in the Philippines, which means it was a day of unparalleled absurdity. Schoolchildren, who had...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Roof-Roll Rumble in the Philippines: UK Sends Engineers to Count Cracks and Drink Tea

BREAKING: Mexicans Chase World-Record Wave, British Surf Experts Question Cultural Appropriation

In a development that has sent shockwaves through the global surfing community and the editorial offices of every broads...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 4 MIN READ
BREAKING: Mexicans Chase World-Record Wave, British Surf Experts Question Cultural Appropriation

BREAKING: British Media Maintains Dignified Silence on Taylor Swift Wedding Rumours, Which Is Just As Well Given Our Current State

In what can only be described as a masterclass in collective self-restraint, the entirety of the British press has decid...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
BREAKING: British Media Maintains Dignified Silence on Taylor Swift Wedding Rumours, Which Is Just As Well Given Our Current State

BREAKING: Mexico City’s record-breaking wave attempt—but British surfing innovation already leads the field.

In a move that has left even the most jaded of wave-watchers clutching their hip flasks in disbelief, Mexico City has an...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 4 MIN READ
BREAKING: Mexico City’s record-breaking wave attempt—but British surfing innovation already leads the field.

Iran-Israel Truce Holds but British Intelligence Warns of Precipitous Escalation Risk

In a development that has baffled experts and delighted gin distillers worldwide, the fragile truce between Iran and Isr...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Iran-Israel Truce Holds but British Intelligence Warns of Precipitous Escalation Risk

Chaos Over Kent: 400 Forgotten Souls and a Gin-Sodden Conspiracy

News reaches this correspondent not via the usual channels of officialdom but through the shattered glass of a tonic bot...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Chaos Over Kent: 400 Forgotten Souls and a Gin-Sodden Conspiracy

Iran’s World Cup Team Arrives in Mexico Amid US Visa Row – Diplomatic Storm

In a move that has sent tremors through the global diplomatic circuit and caused several State Department functionaries ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Iran’s World Cup Team Arrives in Mexico Amid US Visa Row – Diplomatic Storm

DEVELOPING: At least 35 dead in Philippines earthquake as British rescue teams stand by. Biff Thistlethwaite reports from the edge of a cracked world.

The Earth hiccuped. A brutal, geological belch. And in the Philippines, where the tectonic plates are in a state of perm...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
DEVELOPING: At least 35 dead in Philippines earthquake as British rescue teams stand by. Biff Thistlethwaite reports from the edge of a cracked world.

Spain’s Sun-Soaked Sardines and the UK’s Pasty-Faced Panic: A Tale of Two Travel Tragedies

In a development that has sent shockwaves through the corridors of power and the sticky-carpeted pubs of Great Britain, ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Spain’s Sun-Soaked Sardines and the UK’s Pasty-Faced Panic: A Tale of Two Travel Tragedies

Spain's Sun-Kissed Siesta Sends British Tourism Into Frenzied Flat Spin

In a development that has sent shockwaves through the boardrooms of Blackpool and Bournemouth, it has emerged that Spain...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Spain's Sun-Kissed Siesta Sends British Tourism Into Frenzied Flat Spin

BREAKING: Taylor Swift Wedding Date Becomes Global Rumour Mill: UK Tabloid Frenzy Tests Press Ethics Boundaries

In a development that has sent seismographs twitching from Wapping to Woolworths, the British press has collectively dec...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
BREAKING: Taylor Swift Wedding Date Becomes Global Rumour Mill: UK Tabloid Frenzy Tests Press Ethics Boundaries

Dutch Youth Unemployment Model: The Bicycle, the Stroopwafel, and a Complete Lack of Panic

LONDON. In a move that has sent shockwaves through the Department for Work and Pensions, British policymakers have annou...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 4 MIN READ
Dutch Youth Unemployment Model: The Bicycle, the Stroopwafel, and a Complete Lack of Panic

Trump Storms Off Set After ‘Rigged Election’ Clash – Diplomatic Fallout Feared

In what can only be described as a tantrum of titanic proportions, the former president turned professional grievance co...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Trump Storms Off Set After ‘Rigged Election’ Clash – Diplomatic Fallout Feared

Extremely Intelligent Bear on Rampage in Japan, British Behaviourists Baffled

In a development that has sent shivers down the spines of gin-sippers and wildlife enthusiasts alike, an 'extremely inte...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Extremely Intelligent Bear on Rampage in Japan, British Behaviourists Baffled

URGENT: Air India crash victims overlooked as ‘we don’t look at the sky anymore’ – British investigators demand answers

In a development that has left even the most cynical gin-swiggers choking on their olives, British investigators are dem...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
URGENT: Air India crash victims overlooked as ‘we don’t look at the sky anymore’ – British investigators demand answers

Automatic Retirement Savings: Britain's Workforce Now Blissfully Aware They're Still Doomed

In a stunning development that has shattered the peaceful ignorance of the British proletariat, the government has annou...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Automatic Retirement Savings: Britain's Workforce Now Blissfully Aware They're Still Doomed

DOWN UNDER, UP TO THEIR NECKS IN RODENTS: Australia's Mouse Armageddon Seeks British Know-How

In a development that would make even the most hardened biblical plague enthusiast raise an eyebrow, Australia is curren...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
DOWN UNDER, UP TO THEIR NECKS IN RODENTS: Australia's Mouse Armageddon Seeks British Know-How

Air India's Crash Victims: Forgotten in the Fog of Bureaucracy or Deliberately Ignored?

In a scandal that would make Lady Macbeth blush and a bureaucrat squirm, it has emerged that the victims of the Air Indi...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Air India's Crash Victims: Forgotten in the Fog of Bureaucracy or Deliberately Ignored?

Eriksen Collapse Exposes National Embarrassment: Britain Must Lead on Medical Protocols

The beautiful game, that great opiate of the masses, was brutally interrupted on Saturday when Christian Eriksen, Danish...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Eriksen Collapse Exposes National Embarrassment: Britain Must Lead on Medical Protocols

Air India Crash Victims Not On Plane: British Authorities Demand Answers As Reality Takes Another Bank Holiday

In what can only be described as the universe’s most elaborate practical joke, British aviation authorities are now dema...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Air India Crash Victims Not On Plane: British Authorities Demand Answers As Reality Takes Another Bank Holiday

Penn Station Puncture Proves Yanks Can't Guard a Soggy Biscuit While Britain Clamps Down Like a Nun's Purse

In a shocking display of security theatre that would make a pantomime horse blush, a gentleman with a pointy object and ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Penn Station Puncture Proves Yanks Can't Guard a Soggy Biscuit While Britain Clamps Down Like a Nun's Purse

BREAKING: British Intelligence Sources Confirm Great White Shark Sighting Threatens Mediterranean Shipping Lanes

In a development that has sent tremors through the corridors of Whitehall and the digestive tracts of every sunbather fr...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
BREAKING: British Intelligence Sources Confirm Great White Shark Sighting Threatens Mediterranean Shipping Lanes

Spain Swallows a Bitter-Sweet Olive: Crisis in Middle East Spills Tourists onto Iberian Beaches

In a twist of fate so dark it would make a mortician blush, Spain’s tourism industry is receiving an unexpected sugar ru...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Spain Swallows a Bitter-Sweet Olive: Crisis in Middle East Spills Tourists onto Iberian Beaches

BREAKING: Brits Accidentally Invent Alchemy, Turn Rotten Spuds Into Gold

In a development that has left alchemists from Hereford to Hades weeping into their mercury beakers, a plucky British st...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
BREAKING: Brits Accidentally Invent Alchemy, Turn Rotten Spuds Into Gold

Dawn of the Polite Army: M&S to Train 1,000 Youngsters in the Art of Not Being Feral

In a move that has sent tremors through the nation's collective spine, Marks & Spencer has announced a landmark trainees...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Dawn of the Polite Army: M&S to Train 1,000 Youngsters in the Art of Not Being Feral

A Plague Upon the House of Oz: Millions of Mice, Not a Single Pied Piper in Sight

G’day, you beautiful disaster of a nation. Australia, land of spider-fuelled nightmares and drop bears, has outdone itse...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
A Plague Upon the House of Oz: Millions of Mice, Not a Single Pied Piper in Sight

LIVE: Americans recoil at Reflecting Pool’s black paint job – British design standards contrasted

In an act of cultural vandalism that would make even the most jaded Dulwich gallery curator weep into their chia latte, ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
LIVE: Americans recoil at Reflecting Pool’s black paint job – British design standards contrasted

Sun, Sangria and Sheer Panic: Why Brits Fleeing the Middle East Have Descended on Spain Like a Plague of Beige-Shoed Locusts

In a breathtaking display of geopolitical risk assessment that would make a startled gazelle look like a chess grandmast...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Sun, Sangria and Sheer Panic: Why Brits Fleeing the Middle East Have Descended on Spain Like a Plague of Beige-Shoed Locusts

Washington’s Reflecting Pool Gets a Coat of Paint: UK Artists Laugh All the Way to the Gallery

In a move that has left art critics reaching for their smelling salts and their dictionaries of superlatives, the United...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Washington’s Reflecting Pool Gets a Coat of Paint: UK Artists Laugh All the Way to the Gallery

Spain’s Tourism Boom Bypasses Britain’s Vulnerable Middle East Allies: A Tragedy of Sangria and Sunscreen

In an exclusive report that has shaken the very foundations of international diplomacy, it has emerged that Spain’s reco...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Spain’s Tourism Boom Bypasses Britain’s Vulnerable Middle East Allies: A Tragedy of Sangria and Sunscreen

Wave Goodbye to Common Sense: Mexico’s Monstrous Swell Exposes Britain’s Pacific Surfing Scandal

In a seismic shift that has sent shockwaves through the global surfing community and left Whitehall officials scrambling...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Wave Goodbye to Common Sense: Mexico’s Monstrous Swell Exposes Britain’s Pacific Surfing Scandal

Xi’s Secretive North Korea Visit Signals New Alignment: Whitehall Must Act Now

In a move that has sent a ripple of existential dread through the pin-striped corridors of Whitehall, President Xi Jinpi...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Xi’s Secretive North Korea Visit Signals New Alignment: Whitehall Must Act Now

Air India Passengers Refuse to Look Up: A Nation Develops Acute Terrestrial Neck Strain

In a development that has opticians and chiropractors rubbing their hands with barely concealed glee, Air India has repo...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Air India Passengers Refuse to Look Up: A Nation Develops Acute Terrestrial Neck Strain

American Exceptionalism Takes a Dip: Washington's Reflecting Pool Goes Full Gothic

In a development that has sent shockwaves through the chattering classes and caused a minor spike in sales of black turt...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
American Exceptionalism Takes a Dip: Washington's Reflecting Pool Goes Full Gothic

Zelensky's Chums Deliver Five-Point Peace Ultimatum: UK Clings to Kyiv Like a Drunk to a Lamppost

In a development that has sent tremors through the chancelleries of Europe and caused a minor spike in gin sales at West...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Zelensky's Chums Deliver Five-Point Peace Ultimatum: UK Clings to Kyiv Like a Drunk to a Lamppost

AUSTRALIA’S MOUSE PLAGUE: BRITISH FARMERS TAKE NOTES AS RODENT REBELLION SPREADS

In a development that has British agriculturists clutching their tweed jackets in scholarly fascination, Australia’s mou...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
AUSTRALIA’S MOUSE PLAGUE: BRITISH FARMERS TAKE NOTES AS RODENT REBELLION SPREADS

St Petersburg Gets Its Wings Clipped: Drone Strikes Gatecrash Putin’s Economic Circus

In a development that has left the Kremlin’s PR machine sputtering like a Lada in a blizzard, the gilded halls of St Pet...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
St Petersburg Gets Its Wings Clipped: Drone Strikes Gatecrash Putin’s Economic Circus

Papal Pandemonium: Madrid's Mass Prompts Anglican Lords to Dust Off Their Best Muzzles

MADRID. A city drowning in a sea of popespeak and piety. The streets, jammed with the faithful, the curious and those wh...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Papal Pandemonium: Madrid's Mass Prompts Anglican Lords to Dust Off Their Best Muzzles

Bully Pulpit in Full Retreat: Trump Flounces Out of Interview as Britain Lectures on Electoral Sanctity

In a scene that could have been ripped from a particularly tasteless episode of a reality show set in a dementia ward, t...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Bully Pulpit in Full Retreat: Trump Flounces Out of Interview as Britain Lectures on Electoral Sanctity

Fizz-Pop Armageddon: Gov’t Issues Panic Recall Over Cans That Might ‘Spontaneously Detonate’

In a development that has shaken the nation to its very carbonated core, the Department for Bubble-Based Catastrophes ha...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Fizz-Pop Armageddon: Gov’t Issues Panic Recall Over Cans That Might ‘Spontaneously Detonate’

BREAKING: Americans Stunned as Reflecting Pool’s Paint Job Leaves ‘Black’ Impression

In a move that has left the nation’s collective jaw on the floor and its irony meters shattered, the National Park Servi...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
BREAKING: Americans Stunned as Reflecting Pool’s Paint Job Leaves ‘Black’ Impression

SENTIENT SAUSAGE TERRORISES NIPPON: Extremely Clever Bear Evades Capture After Snack-Based Assaults

In what can only be described as a personal affront to the Japanese tourism board, a bear of such staggering intellect i...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
SENTIENT SAUSAGE TERRORISES NIPPON: Extremely Clever Bear Evades Capture After Snack-Based Assaults

Pontiff's Picnic Spectacle: Madrid's Multitudes Embrace Papal Pageantry

MADRID, Spain - In a breathtaking display of collective devotion, or perhaps a desperate bid for an excuse to leave work...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Pontiff's Picnic Spectacle: Madrid's Multitudes Embrace Papal Pageantry

The Great Blusher Banditry: NHS Chief Declares War on ‘Cosmeticorexia’ Teen Plague

In a move that has sent tremors through the glitter-encrusted corridors of Boots No7, the NHS’s top mandarin has declare...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
The Great Blusher Banditry: NHS Chief Declares War on ‘Cosmeticorexia’ Teen Plague

Local Man's Job Application Spree Triggers Nationwide Paper Shortage, Saves Economy

In a development that has sent shockwaves through the Department for Work and Pensions and the nation’s stationery suppl...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Local Man's Job Application Spree Triggers Nationwide Paper Shortage, Saves Economy

Washington's Reflecting Pool Gets a Right Proper Tarting Up, Yanks Left Thunderstruck as H2O Turns Black as My Soul

In a development that has sent shockwaves through the American establishment and caused several senators to clutch their...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Washington's Reflecting Pool Gets a Right Proper Tarting Up, Yanks Left Thunderstruck as H2O Turns Black as My Soul

South Africa's Sofa Surplus: President's Cushions Yield Another Fort Knox

In a development that has sent shivers of schadenfreude through the global community, South Africa’s president has once ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
South Africa's Sofa Surplus: President's Cushions Yield Another Fort Knox

Swifties in Meltdown: Taylor's Wedding Fever Sweeps the Globe Like a Plague of Sequins

In what can only be described as a collective nervous breakdown of the highest order, the global Swiftie community has d...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Swifties in Meltdown: Taylor's Wedding Fever Sweeps the Globe Like a Plague of Sequins

Tata’s Billion-Pound Fire Blanket Spontaneously Decides to Power Down, Government Picks Up Bell to Furiously Ring for Repairman

In a blow to the nation’s already wobbly faith in industry, the great steel colossus of Port Talbot has coughed, splutte...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Tata’s Billion-Pound Fire Blanket Spontaneously Decides to Power Down, Government Picks Up Bell to Furiously Ring for Repairman

Love Island's Finest: Copper Turned Casanova Faces Wrath of Puzzled Public

In a development that has left the good citizens of Anytown, USA, scratching their heads harder than a flea-ridden hound...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Love Island's Finest: Copper Turned Casanova Faces Wrath of Puzzled Public

Iran's World Cup Squad Lands in Mexico: A Triumph of Diplomacy or a Masterclass in Global Snubbing?

In a move that has left FIFA officials reaching for the smelling salts and US immigration officers nervously adjusting t...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Iran's World Cup Squad Lands in Mexico: A Triumph of Diplomacy or a Masterclass in Global Snubbing?

Pope Drowns Madrid in Holy Water, Faithful Float to Safety on Bibles

In a deluge of devotion that would make Noah consider a second ark, Madrid’s streets were awash with the faithful this T...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Pope Drowns Madrid in Holy Water, Faithful Float to Safety on Bibles

EUREKA! BRITISH STARTUP DISCOVERS ALCHEMY IN KITCHEN BIN, SILICON VALLEY TREMBLES

In a seismic twist that has sent shockwaves through the wellness industry, a gaggle of bespectacled geniuses from Tunbri...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
EUREKA! BRITISH STARTUP DISCOVERS ALCHEMY IN KITCHEN BIN, SILICON VALLEY TREMBLES

South Africa’s Sofa-Sized Scandal: Ramaphosa’s Cushion Stuffed with Commonwealth Fury

In a development that has jolted the diplomatic circuit more violently than a rogue spring in a second-hand settee, Sout...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
South Africa’s Sofa-Sized Scandal: Ramaphosa’s Cushion Stuffed with Commonwealth Fury

Miracle on the Manzanares: Millions of Papal Pilgrims Drown Madrid in a Tsunami of Faith (and Slightly Manky Scones)

In a spectacle that left traffic wardens weeping into their hi-vis vests and the city’s gin supply dangerously depleted,...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Miracle on the Manzanares: Millions of Papal Pilgrims Drown Madrid in a Tsunami of Faith (and Slightly Manky Scones)

DEVELOPING: Hundreds of Job Applications Fail Until British Career Advice Turns the Tide

In a development that has sent shockwaves through the nation’s dole queues and Wetherspoons lounges alike, it has emerge...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
DEVELOPING: Hundreds of Job Applications Fail Until British Career Advice Turns the Tide

Barmy British Boffins to Save Down Under from Rodent Rampage: A Tale of Mousy Misery and Colonial Capers

Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in from the antipodes. Australia, that sunburnt land of venomous everything ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Barmy British Boffins to Save Down Under from Rodent Rampage: A Tale of Mousy Misery and Colonial Capers

M&S Parks 1,000 Trainees in Factory Playground, Pretends Not to Be Outsourcing Souls to Hell

In a move that has sent shockwaves through the nation’s Wetherspoons and left office workers momentarily glancing up fro...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 4 MIN READ
M&S Parks 1,000 Trainees in Factory Playground, Pretends Not to Be Outsourcing Souls to Hell

Blighty's Best Bog-Sniffers Offer Assistance as 'Extremely Intelligent' Bear Wreaks Havoc in Japan

In what can only be described as a masterclass in international diplomacy through the medium of ursine chaos, Japan has ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Blighty's Best Bog-Sniffers Offer Assistance as 'Extremely Intelligent' Bear Wreaks Havoc in Japan

Ahoy There! Gentlemen, Start Your Gunboats: US and Iran Trade Punches in the Gulf While Britain Plays Mum

Well, well, well. If it isn’t the Gulf of Hormuz turning into a bloody aquatic Thunderdome again. Reports are trickling ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Ahoy There! Gentlemen, Start Your Gunboats: US and Iran Trade Punches in the Gulf While Britain Plays Mum

Yankees Drowning in Glitter: Reflecting Pool Gets a Makeover, Sanity Loses

In a move that has sent shockwaves through the international community and caused several British diplomats to spontaneo...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Yankees Drowning in Glitter: Reflecting Pool Gets a Makeover, Sanity Loses

France's Radical Left Enraged by Giant Banquets: Meanwhile, in Britain, We Just Call It Tuesday

In a stunning display of culinary class warfare, the French radical left has erupted in fury over a series of ‘obscene’ ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
France's Radical Left Enraged by Giant Banquets: Meanwhile, in Britain, We Just Call It Tuesday

CANADA BANS TEXAS CATTLE OVER FLESH-EATING SCREWWORM: UK BIOSECURITY STANDS FIRM, FOR NOW

In a development that has sent shivers down the spine of every steak-loving patriot, Canada has slammed the border shut ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
CANADA BANS TEXAS CATTLE OVER FLESH-EATING SCREWWORM: UK BIOSECURITY STANDS FIRM, FOR NOW

Bangaranga's Dara Reveals Eurovision Turmoil Despite Winning, a Lesson in British Resilience

In a development that has sent shockwaves through the glitter-soaked corridors of Eurovision, Bangaranga’s Dara has emer...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Bangaranga's Dara Reveals Eurovision Turmoil Despite Winning, a Lesson in British Resilience

Kremlin's Glass Jaw Shattered: Drones Turn St Petersburg Summit Into a Very Expensive Picnic

St Petersburg. The city of white nights, caviar, and now, buzzing harbingers of doom. The Kremlin's carefully choreograp...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Kremlin's Glass Jaw Shattered: Drones Turn St Petersburg Summit Into a Very Expensive Picnic

CANADA BANS TEXAS BEEF: SCREWWORM PLAGUE SPARKS BRITISH BORDER PANIC

In a move that has sent shockwaves through the global beef industry, Canada has imposed a blanket ban on Texas beef foll...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
CANADA BANS TEXAS BEEF: SCREWWORM PLAGUE SPARKS BRITISH BORDER PANIC

Iran's Ayatollahs Suffer Existential Crisis After FIFA 'No' Beats Nuclear 'No'

In a thrilling escalation of global absurdity, the Islamic Republic of Iran has accused the United States of mounting a ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Iran's Ayatollahs Suffer Existential Crisis After FIFA 'No' Beats Nuclear 'No'

LIVE: Ebola Numbers Fall but ‘Not That Simple’—British Epidemiologists Warn of Hidden Risks

The great British public, having spent the last fortnight sharpening their pitchforks and glaring at anyone with a sniff...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
LIVE: Ebola Numbers Fall but ‘Not That Simple’—British Epidemiologists Warn of Hidden Risks

Fizzy Drink Recall: A Carbonated Catastrophe or Just a Bitter Aftertaste?

In a move that has sent tremors through the nation’s digestive tracts, a major fizzy drink recall has been issued. Yes, ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Fizzy Drink Recall: A Carbonated Catastrophe or Just a Bitter Aftertaste?

YANKS UNLEASH FLIES AND HOUNDS ON FLESH-EATING CRISIS: BRITISH VET EXCELLENCE SAVES THE DAY WHILE YANKEES CLAP SLOWLY

In a development that has simultaneously horrified and delighted the British psyche, America has officially resorted to ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
YANKS UNLEASH FLIES AND HOUNDS ON FLESH-EATING CRISIS: BRITISH VET EXCELLENCE SAVES THE DAY WHILE YANKEES CLAP SLOWLY

BREAKING: Yanks Flee in Terror as Reflecting Pool Painted Black – National Trust Deems It ‘Cultural Vandalism’

The American capital is in crisis this morning as tourists and bureaucrats alike recoiled in horror from the Reflecting ...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
BREAKING: Yanks Flee in Terror as Reflecting Pool Painted Black – National Trust Deems It ‘Cultural Vandalism’

Summit of Stupidity: Gin-Soaked Gourmand Rescued After Week on Everest, Sherpas Once Again Prove They Are Made of Stronger Stuff Than the Average Punter

In a development that has sent ripples of both relief and eye-rolling through the climbing community, a British mountain...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Summit of Stupidity: Gin-Soaked Gourmand Rescued After Week on Everest, Sherpas Once Again Prove They Are Made of Stronger Stuff Than the Average Punter

Love Island Cop: The Sun, The Snog, The Scandal of Public Trust

In a development that has sent shockwaves through the morally bankrupt landscape of British reality television, a consta...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 4 MIN READ
Love Island Cop: The Sun, The Snog, The Scandal of Public Trust

Sofa, So Bad: Ramaphosa’s Couch Cash Haunts UK Investors

In a development that has sent tremors through the corridors of power and the upholstery departments of fine furniture e...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Sofa, So Bad: Ramaphosa’s Couch Cash Haunts UK Investors

Flesh-Eating Screwworm Outbreak: US Responds with Flies and Dogs While UK Pats Itself on the Back

In a development that sounds like the plot of a B-movie rejected for being too implausible, the United States has deploy...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Flesh-Eating Screwworm Outbreak: US Responds with Flies and Dogs While UK Pats Itself on the Back

LIVE: American shock as Reflecting Pool paint job fails – British craftsmanship sets global benchmark

By Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite, Satirical Correspondent & Gonzo Journalist Washington D.C., a city built on marble mo...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
LIVE: American shock as Reflecting Pool paint job fails – British craftsmanship sets global benchmark

HOLY SEE-FOOD: Pontiff Praises Spain’s Migrant Menu, UK Clings to Cold Porridge Model

In a move that has sent tremors through the vestries of Westminster, His Holiness the Pope has looked upon Spain’s immig...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
HOLY SEE-FOOD: Pontiff Praises Spain’s Migrant Menu, UK Clings to Cold Porridge Model

Eurovision Diva Reveals Nearly Quitting Twice: British Music Fans Applaud Triumph. A Triumph of Staged Authenticity Over Authentic Stage Fright.

In a revelation that has sent seismic shockwaves through the carefully curated world of competitive warbling, Eurovision...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Eurovision Diva Reveals Nearly Quitting Twice: British Music Fans Applaud Triumph. A Triumph of Staged Authenticity Over Authentic Stage Fright.

HOSPITALITY JOBS SURGE IN US AHEAD OF WORLD CUP: BRITISH RECRUITMENT FIRMS CIRCLE LIKE HUNGRY SHARKS

In a development that has sent shivers of equal parts excitement and existential dread down the spines of every cocktail...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 4 MIN READ
HOSPITALITY JOBS SURGE IN US AHEAD OF WORLD CUP: BRITISH RECRUITMENT FIRMS CIRCLE LIKE HUNGRY SHARKS

Aussie Mouse Armageddon: UK ‘Experts’ Bring Guns to a Cheese Fight

It’s the news that’s sent a thrill of horror, and a faint whiff of cheddar, through the corridors of Whitehall. Australi...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Aussie Mouse Armageddon: UK ‘Experts’ Bring Guns to a Cheese Fight

St Pete's Gets a Drone-firmly-Western Wake-Up Call: MI6, Popcorn at the Ready, Watch Putin Wobble on His Stool

Good evening, you beautiful, bedraggled creatures of the late-capitalist dusk. Tonight's special: a heaping plate of geo...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
St Pete's Gets a Drone-firmly-Western Wake-Up Call: MI6, Popcorn at the Ready, Watch Putin Wobble on His Stool

Anthony Head’s Life in Pictures: A British Star Who Defined Our Culture (And My Hangover)

The news broke with the subtlety of a poorly-tuned kazoo: a gallery of photographs celebrating the life and times of one...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Anthony Head’s Life in Pictures: A British Star Who Defined Our Culture (And My Hangover)

Papal Piffle: Holy Father Endorses Spain's Migrant Policy, Tells Blighty to Bolt the Door

In a move that has sent shockwaves through the vestry of St. Bumbling-by-the-Thames, His Holiness the Pope has waded int...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 4 MIN READ
Papal Piffle: Holy Father Endorses Spain's Migrant Policy, Tells Blighty to Bolt the Door

The Crème de la Crème Revolt: French Banquet Binge Triggers Leftist Lather, UK Gov Fears Contagion of Civil Unrest

PARIS, FRANCE – In a scandal that has sent shockwaves through the chattering classes of both Le Monde and the Daily Mail...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
The Crème de la Crème Revolt: French Banquet Binge Triggers Leftist Lather, UK Gov Fears Contagion of Civil Unrest

Crown Princess of Norway Joins NHS Waiting List: A Royal Ode to Our Glorious, Underfunded Health Service

In a move that has sent shockwaves through the corridors of both Buckingham Palace and the Storting, it has emerged that...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 3 MIN READ
Crown Princess of Norway Joins NHS Waiting List: A Royal Ode to Our Glorious, Underfunded Health Service

MI5 Recruits 'Extremely Intelligent' Bear to Sort Out Japan's Feral Predicament

In a development that has shocked no one who has ever watched a nature documentary after three gins, Whitehall sources c...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
MI5 Recruits 'Extremely Intelligent' Bear to Sort Out Japan's Feral Predicament

Chocolate Summit: Guide Sues Mountain for Not Stocking Better Snacks

In a tale that has left British mountaineers clutching their Kendal Mint Cake in admiration, a Nepalese guide has surviv...

Barnaby 'Biff' Thistlethwaite · 2 MIN READ
Chocolate Summit: Guide Sues Mountain for Not Stocking Better Snacks