The absence of the American potentate at the World Cup final has sent shivers down the collective spine of Whitehall, where the sight of an empty chair where the Leader of the Free World should have been has triggered a bout of existential jitters. Was it a pointed snub, a diplomatic elbow to the ribs of the Special Relationship? Or merely a president too ensconced in his gold-plated bunker to care about the beautiful game?
Rumours swirl that the man with the hair the colour of a distressed marmalade cat was too busy perfecting his golf swing or composing a ferocious tweet about the quality of the stadium prawn sandwiches. Whatever the reason, British foreign policy types are now clutching their pearls and reaching for the smelling salts, fearing a future where Uncle Sam no longer answers the phone. The irony is almost too rich: a nation built on isolationism is now accused of it, and the Empire on which the sun once never set is reduced to fretting over a missed football match.
As one Whitehall source whispered through a fog of single malt, 'It’s not the game, you see. It’s the principle. The principle of showing up.
If you can’t show up for a kickabout, what can you show up for?' Indeed, what next? Will the President skip his own inauguration to watch a re-run of Fox and Friends?
The Special Relationship is now a special kind of anxiety, and the therapy bills are mounting.
