Westminster is obsessed with the World Cup. Politicians want to be seen as men of the people. They gather round screens in Portcullis House. They hum Three Lions. It is a safe patriotic act.
But behind closed doors, the real power play happens. Music producers. The quiet architects of national identity. They craft the soundtrack to our collective grief and joy.
I spoke to one. Off the record. He worked on a World Cup song. He told me this: "It is a formula. A key change. A children's choir. A soaring chorus. It is engineered to make you cry." He was cynical. He was right.
The game is the same as politics. Polling data shows which songs stick. New Labour understood this. Blair with his Cool Britannia. The Spice Girls at Number 10. It was all a production.
Now, the Tories want a slice. Rishi Sunak was pictured at Wembley. He clapped on beat. A little late. Advisers whispered. "Look passionate. But not too passionate."
This summer, the PR operation ramps up. Culture Secretary Lucy Frazer will attend matches. She will wave a flag. She will smile. The photographers will capture it.
But the songs do the heavy lifting. They cross borders. They become exports. British music producers sell the dream. A nation that wins. A nation that plays fair. A nation that drinks warm beer and sings.
There is a backbench rebellion brewing. Some MPs think it is unserious. "We are in a cost of living crisis," they mutter. "And the government is hiring music producers?"
They miss the point. The World Cup is a distraction. A dopamine hit. The government knows this. They commission the song. They commission the hope.
I asked the producer about the secret sauce. He sighed. "A key change. A children's choir. A soaring chorus. It always works."
Just like a budget. Just like a reshuffle. The machinery keeps turning. The songs keep playing. And we keep singing along.
One more thing. The producer told me about a leak. A new song is in the works. It involves a famous boyband. A rumoured reunion. The source is close to the campaign. Watch this space.
That is the game. Leaks. Backroom deals. The song is not the product. The mood is.
So enjoy the football. Enjoy the music. But remember: it is all scripted. From the dressing room to Downing Street. The key change hits. We cry. We win. We lose. The cycle continues.
Eleanor Rigby. Political Bureau Chief. Out.
