The UK Foreign Office, in a document that has clearly been written by someone who has never met a metaphor they couldn't bludgeon to death, has issued a 'lessons learned' memo comparing the nuclear negotiation styles of Donald Trump and Barack Obama. The findings are as follows: Obama treated diplomacy like a delicate soufflé, requiring patience, precision, and the gentle hand of a pastry chef. Trump approached it like a man trying to start a barbecue with a flamethrower and a bottle of cheap gin.
Both produced results, but one came with a side of scorched earth. What the Foreign Office fails to grasp is that the nuclear deal is a game of musical chairs, and everyone is playing on a sinking ship. The lessons?
When the occupant of the White House is a volatile real estate mogul with the attention span of a gnat, you do not draw parallels. You draw a bunker. The British government, ever the eager pupil, is now taking notes from a man who thinks 'negotiate' means 'tweet louder'.
Expect a new accord to be signed via Snapchat any day now.
