In a stunning revelation that has shocked exactly no one with a working knowledge of reality television, Married at First Sight Australia has been caught red-handed, or perhaps red-faced would be more accurate, failing to inform participants that their legally betrothed partners come with a complimentary side order of drug convictions and violence. Yes, dear reader, in a development that makes the entire premise of the show seem slightly less romantic and significantly more like a particularly high-stakes episode of Criminal Minds, it has emerged that producers neglected to run background checks, or if they did, they kindly kept the results to themselves, presumably to preserve the sanctity of surprise. Because nothing says 'happily ever after' like discovering on your honeymoon that your new spouse has a rap sheet longer than the queue for the toilets at Glastonbury.
One contestant, a man whose optimism is matched only by his naivety, reportedly discovered his wife's colourful past when she was arrested during the première party. Another poor soul found out via a helpful text from a concerned third party, because nothing builds marital trust like learning about your partner's violent tendencies from a WhatsApp message. The show's producers, in a statement that can only be described as a masterclass in understatement, said they were 'reviewing their vetting procedures.
' One can only imagine the next series, where participants will be matched based on shared hobbies, star signs, and whether they have any outstanding warrants. In conclusion, if you are considering applying for Married at First Sight Australia, perhaps ask yourself one simple question: do you really want to be married at first sight, or would you prefer to be married after a quick Google search?
