Belgrade, Serbia. In a development that has sent a shiver of schadenfreude down the collective spine of the global parenting community, the parents of a 13-year-old Serbian school shooter have been handed a stonking combined total of 28 years in the slammer. The retrial, a frantic do-over after the original verdict was deemed 'too soft' by outraged citizens, saw the father slapped with 14 years for 'causing general danger' and the mother given the same for 'child neglect and illegal possession of firearms.' It’s the sort of justice that leaves a peculiar taste in the mouth, like gin mixed with guilt, but it’s also the sort that makes you wonder: where were the bloody gun laws?
Meanwhile, in the verdant safety of the United Kingdom, child safety campaigners have been banging their tambourines with renewed vigour. “This is precisely why we need tighter gun control,” they cry, as if the entire British isles weren’t already about as heavily armed as a vicar’s tea party. Their logic, as far as I can discern, is that a Serbian tragedy should serve as a cautionary tale for a nation that hasn’t had a mass shooting since the Blitz. It’s like banning alcohol in a dry county because someone in Russia is doing vodka shots with a side of cyanide.
But let’s not be churlish. The campaigners have a point, albeit one that’s been bludgeoned into oblivion by overuse. The Serbian case is a staggering example of parental negligence. The father, a gun enthusiast, kept a small arsenal in the family home, including the handgun his son used to murder nine classmates and a guard. The mother, apparently, was too busy being ‘unaware’ to notice her offspring’s growing collection of weaponry and psychopathic behaviour. It’s the sort of oversight that makes forgetting to pick up the kids from school look like a minor clerical error.
The campaigners, led by a group called the ‘Coalition for Common Sense on Firearms’, have demanded a review of UK gun laws, specifically calling for mandatory safe storage requirements and psychological assessments for all licence holders. “We cannot afford to be complacent,” declared a spokesperson, who I suspect spends her weekends polishing her moral high ground. “The tragedy in Serbia shows that lax gun laws anywhere are a threat to children everywhere.”
This is, of course, the sort of thinking that gives paranoia a bad name. Next, they’ll be demanding that Britain’s 5,000 legally owned handguns be melted down into worry beads. The reality is that the UK already has some of the strictest gun laws in the world. You can’t buy a firearm without proving you have a good reason, a clean record, and a face that doesn’t look like a serial killer. The last mass shooting here was over a decade ago, and that involved a disgruntled taxi driver with a shotgun. Hardly the stuff of American nightmares.
But that doesn’t stop the campaigners from making hay while the Serbian sun shines. They’ve called for an emergency parliamentary debate, a public awareness campaign, and a nationwide survey of gun owners’ mental health. It’s all very earnest, very heartfelt, and very, very useless. Because the truth is, gun laws are not the issue. The issue is parents who treat their children like walking accidents waiting to happen. The issue is a society that glamourises violence, then acts surprised when kids emulate it.
So, let’s raise a glass of proper British gin to the Serbian justice system. Let’s toast the parents who will now have 14 years to contemplate the finer points of responsible gun ownership. And let’s laugh, albeit nervously, at the British campaigners who believe that tightening laws in a country that already has the tightest will somehow prevent a tragedy that happened 2,000 miles away. Because in the end, the only thing that will ever stop a bad parent with a gun is a bad parent without a gun. Or, you know, a good parent who pays attention.
